Introduction
In the concluding chapter, Jacob returns from his voyage, of which he initially remembers little. He receives good news about his mother, which is followed by tremendous sadness.
Adrift in Amnesia, Chapter Nine: St. Mary’s (excerpt)
It was late Saturday morning and Jacob woke with a start. He looked around his room and from the fog in his mind sensed the urge to remember, feeling unsure as to exactly what or why. Alfie was fast asleep at the foot of the bed and Scruff was purposefully scurrying about in his cage. The sun was shining brightly into his room and it was clearly hours past breakfast. He looked at his desk and towards the door, lingering in clouded recollection. ‘What a strange dream,’ he muttered, before dragging himself out of bed and slowly making his way downstairs.
‘Blimey, you slept in late bey!’ His granddad chirped and Jacob noticed the clock, which read 10:46am. ‘I thought you wuz prob’ly up late talkin’ to Molly so thought I’d let you ‘ave a lie-in. Anyway … good news … the hospital in Bradford phoned and Molly’s gettin’ transferred to Exeter next week … and so we’ll be visitin’ ‘er at the weekend!’ Though Jacob was delighted to hear this, something else was playing on his mind. ‘Granddad …’ ‘Yes m’boy?’ ‘Have you … have you ever had a dream that felt really real?’ ‘Oh sure, sure … dreams can be very strange and seem real … what was it about?’
He attempted to recall, ‘well, I can’t remember that much … but I think it had some magical people and dragons and …’ ‘You didn’t eat any cheese before goin’ to bed did you?’ Interrupted his grandfather, while he was busying himself with the dishes. ‘Um, no,’ replied Jacob, a little confused by his granddad’s question, ‘why?’ He looked up at Percy who, upon putting the last washed plate on the draining board, turned to his grandson. ‘Well … sometimes, eatin’ dairy before bed can give us strange dreams … or so they say. Anyway, enuff-o-that … what ju wan’ for breakfast m’lad?’
After a late breakfast, Jacob went to check on the rabbits and spent much of the day helping his granddad in the garden. On Sunday, they spoke to Molly in hospital, who sounded markedly upbeat to her son. The school week seemed to drag a little, mainly because he was counting down the days to when he would be seeing his mum again. It had been more than two months and so he was feeling quite excited. Molly travelled from Bradford on Wednesday morning and settled into her new surroundings. This time, the admission process appeared little more than a formality, certain it was all just going through the motions – soon she would be free again.
Since hearing confirmation of being transferred, Molly had grown in confidence and was granted more independence in terms of leave. By coincidence, Tony was visiting Exeter on business Thursday afternoon. She met him in town and they went for a coffee in the Real McCoy arcade that played host to a number of quirky little outlets, including a well-known guitar shop. He was keen to check out the competition and convinced her to accompany him, which necessitated pretending they were serious musicians enquiring about a new Fender. He went through his elaborate ‘plan’ in the cafe first: Molly was to be the band’s new singer and he would be its lead guitarist and songwriter. Tony was hoping the store would somehow prove inferior to his shop in Bude, but instead he left wanting a job there. It felt just like old times.
One Saturday morning in early June, Percy and his grandson visited the hospital in Exeter. Molly did not wish for Jacob to meet her on the ward and was waiting outside the main building when they arrived. ‘Mum!’ He shouted, running elatedly towards her. She embraced her boy, both feeling tears of jubilation, which quickly dried as the three of them headed into the main part of town. On the 9th of June 2001, Jacob had his delayed birthday party in a small cafe on Fore Street. His mother had said he could go anywhere he pleased, although in her mind was hoping she would not regret this offer by hearing the word ‘McDonald’s!’ She personally did not like such places, but eating out was also a luxury she could generally ill afford, hence this type of junk food was something Jacob had never really eaten. Molly felt most relieved to find her son had not acquired any such curiosity in her absence.
They had lunch in the cafe and when the waitresses heard it was a birthday celebration they provided some candles to put on the cake. A walk through town followed the occasion and Jacob was asked what he would like as a late gift. Unsurprisingly, a new computer game was top of the list and so they made their way to one of the many gaming stores. He was rather enthusiastic about a popular title: ‘Mortal Kombat.’ Molly expressed ambivalence, thinking maybe he was a bit young. Noting the mien of doubt, he continued looking to then find a title catch his attention, although he was not sure why. It was an adventure game called, ‘The King of Dragons.’ Molly, feeling this to be a little more suitable than a classic beat-em-up, purchased it as a late birthday present.
They spent the afternoon wandering around town, Molly delighting in hearing first-hand Jacob’s joy regarding his amazing tree house and tending to the new rabbits, which she looked forward to meeting shortly. They returned to the hospital early on Saturday evening. This time, farewells were met with a sense of buoyancy rather than sadness – safe in the knowledge all would be reunited like a proper family again soon. An afternoon with an old friend, followed by meeting her son and his granddad, was like nothing had ever changed and she felt drawn to a tremendous feeling of optimism. That night, Jacob returned home beaming and tried playing his new game, somehow safe in the knowledge that everything was going to be okay.
Molly’s time in hospital had appeared to exorcise the demon. She sensed this was down to more than just medication. She also had an inkling she was not entirely out of the woods yet. Indeed, her first major test was already looming on the horizon. Such challenges would call upon the greatest of all strengths and a warmth reawakened deep within and that she realised her life possessed in abundance; alongside a steadfastness born out of years of hurt. Chelmswood eventually saw her will sheathed in sullen melancholy, which nearly led to the most tragic of consequences. Now, the ‘Way of Inspiration’ (as the Native American visionaries refer to it) was beginning to rise once more from bedrocks of shadow.
….
‘When I’m weak, you’re telling me that I’m strong
When I’m right, you’re telling me that I’m wrong
Now I know, and now I understand
Now I see, I see your wicked plan,
I’m a Jung-a-list …’
As staff let Molly back onto the ward, she passed its latest admission, sitting quite contentedly in the lounge listening to his Walkman. Ralf Mustafa Essam, AKA ‘Ralf the Junglist,’ was currently relaxing to the sounds of Tribe of Issachar and singing along to Peter Bouncer’s lyrics. Molly had generally remained private while at hospital in Bradford, but she rather liked Ralf and found herself hanging out with him quite a lot over the remainder of her stay. He was in his forties and had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia during his late teens. In the ensuing years, he had experienced multiple admissions to various hospitals and the only medication that seemed to work was Chlozaril: the one doctors referred to as the ‘last chance saloon.’
The medication was considered something of a wonder drug in terms of it stemming severe psychosis. However, the drawback was mainly its side effects, which mostly took the form of weight gain and intense drowsiness, the former often leading to diabetes. Coupled with this, patients on Chlozaril were required to attend a ‘Chloz Clinic’ every four weeks to undertake blood tests because the medication attacks white blood cells. Suffice to say, many patients on this drug often stop taking it due to its side effects being so unpleasant and Ralf had basically been re-admitted upon ceasing to take his prescription.
His father was an Egyptian doctor who had immigrated to the UK and married a drama teacher. Ralf claimed to have been named after the character from Happy Days and his eternally sunny disposition would seem to confirm this. His illness had taken him to hell and back over the years, of which he claimed to have made his peace through music. He was a rather large man; considerably overweight (mainly because of the medication) donning a huge bushy mullet. The staff affectionately referred to him as ‘the Dude,’ which he quite liked although maintained his preferred moniker as ‘Junglist.’
For many years, Ralf had been a hippy, but since pledged his allegiance to the ‘Original Style,’ after the men in black exiled the evil aura sent from a faraway nebula – known as the ‘Cosmic Junk’ – by the power of the Jungle. He had been listening to a variety of mix tapes ever since – from Nicky Blackmarket and Darren Jay to LTJ Bukem. Turns out he had been a raver like Molly and together they reminisced about old times of all night dancing, whistles and glow sticks, while Ralf chain-smoked in the courtyard. He did not make a lot of sense most of the time, but Molly found it endearing how he would regularly bless those he would come into contact with. ‘Please God, save Molly,’ he would benignly request, while gently holding her hands. She drew inspiration from the calm manner in which he dealt with his illness, as if transforming it into something quirky and imaginative had given him some kind of agency over it.
Molly’s social worker visited her in hospital and a discharge date for June 12th was agreed. Despite some apprehension facing the road ahead, she was nonetheless over the moon at the thought of being free again – to see Jacob in his tree house and getting acquainted with the new rabbits; to go blackberry picking with her son and catch up with old friends. The only thing she had not thought about was Chelmswood, until the meeting on the day of leaving the ward, which caused her to feel some considerable distress. ‘I cannot go back to that place!’ She stated unequivocally, feeling a little emotional at the prospect.
Jacob was currently at school and Percy was in attendance as the nearest relative. He informed all that his grandson seemed quite happy in St. Mary’s and he would love nothing more than for the two of them to move in. He suggested that Molly could continue to look for a Council house in the area, or they could simply stay with him. Jacob had since settled into his new school and both Molly and the social worker felt this was the most ideal option, giving all parties a fresh start. It was agreed she would continue with a course of antidepressants and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help cope with the readjustment after hospital, to be reviewed in due course. Her desire was to come off the medication completely, though she conceded to the advice of clinicians that a gradual reduction would be best.
….
‘Each new hour holds new chances for new beginnings. The horizon leans forward, offering you space to place new steps of change …’
….
On the day of her discharge Molly packed her things and said her farewells to Ralf, who gave her the aforementioned thought to take with her: a sample from LTJ Bukem’s ‘Horizons.’ She hugged him warmly and wished him all the best. After saying goodbye to the staff, she was on her way to a new beginning in the village of St. Mary’s. Jacob was being looked after by Carolina and they collected him on their way home. The day had felt long and emotional – a mixture of exultation and trepidation towards what may lie ahead, following all that had gone before. Molly was feeling quite tired and she went upstairs to the room Percy had prepared for her.
Her new bedroom was to the right side of the house, facing numerous trees overlooking the small lane. She opened the window to be met with sounds of the breeze, gently bustling through the leaves and the smell of elder entered her room, enveloping her in the breath of sincere karma, as if reunited with a long lost friend. It was a mild evening in early summer and she unpacked her things before going downstairs to join Jacob and Percy. Her son was outside tending to the rabbits and he introduced her to the newest members of the family. He then showed her his tree house. Molly declined the opportunity to climb in and have a look around, but took great pleasure in watching her son keenly enter his den, followed by Alfie, and give a detailed description of the layout, which mostly included a lookout for various birds and a place he could sit and draw cartoons.
For the first time in over two months, Molly would find herself checking that her son had all the things he needed for school. She had forgotten how much she missed this. That night, she slept more soundly than many months previous; leaving the window open, while the trees subtly rocked her into calm oceans of unconsciousness. She rose early the following morning and made Jacob breakfast before walking him to school.
Similarly to her son, Molly noticed this particular journey was substantially more relaxed and amiable than the one they would take back in Chelmswood. Yet she felt considerably nervous with regards to introducing herself. It was a small village and news spread quite fast. Percy was well known and well liked and while many knew his grandson was staying, most were not privy as to why. Molly began to feel uneasy about what people might think; would they judge her for being ‘mad’ or some kind of threat? Would she be a social outcast and wind up once more descending into feelings of isolation? Such fears were allayed when the villagers came across as polite and welcoming. That morning, she spoke to the headmistress, who brought her up to date with Jacob’s progress since switching schools.
Jacob had started as something of a celebrity. For a short time, this had somewhat declined into more that of a wallflower. However, since his standing up to Lloyd and the bullies, he appeared to be getting along well with all of the kids – including Lloyd. The headmistress spoke of how his teacher, Mrs Puddicombe, was impressed at how well he was integrating with the other pupils in class and felt he was showing significant promise in his subjects overall. Hearing this made Molly feel immensely proud of her son and, despite the recent months of trauma for her, she found herself to be in high spirits that it had transported both of them to a better place.
The hallucinations had ceased. While anxiety remained an obstacle, Molly would increasingly feel secure in her new surroundings. With abundant love and support, she would find herself drawn to a similar air of positivity demonstrated by her son – spending much of his time playing outside amongst the splendour of nature. Percy had acted as guarantor in her absence so the house in Chelmswood remained under her occupancy. Molly wrote a letter of notice. The Council informed her she had until the end of July to collect the rest of her things.
The remaining weeks of June were the happiest all three had experienced for some time. Molly gradually grew in confidence and began to pass the time by tending to the garden, Alfie following her every move, as Sid remained blissfully disinterested. Summer was coming into view and they spent many evenings sat outside eating dinner amid the coolness of sunset. She never tired of the gentle bristling sound outside her window, nor the sweet smells of nature emanating through her room.
The bliss of their reunion was marred only slightly by a ‘Work Capability Assessment’ (undertaken by a French based, IT corporation called Atos) that Molly was required to attend mere days after being discharged from hospital. She hated claiming benefits and the experience of having to discuss her health left her feeling extremely depressed. At the same time, she realised financial support was important until she was well enough to resume employment. She felt too nervous to attend the assessment alone and so her social worker made arrangements to go with her.
Though previously struggling with some of her social worker’s inquiries back in Chelmswood, Molly had come to appreciate the manner in which she had dealt with moving Jacob to another school so promptly. When struggling to cope with the Atos doctor’s questions being fired at her, she would once more find her to be supportive. The doctor did not appear to understand the purpose of the assessment, focussing on physical difficulties that Molly had long since recovered from. She grew defensive and began to withdraw from answering his questions. This led to a sense of shame, which precipitated feelings of considerable anger, though withholding her screams inside: ‘I’ve been in hospital after a demon convinced me to kill myself you fucking idiot!’
Molly wanted very much to restart work, to have a normal life, pay her own way and be a mother again. However, recovery was a process that did not happen overnight. She had been through a terribly traumatic experience and it would take some time to adjust to life after hospital. It would have been complicated enough if she was on her own, but she had a son to consider as well and was currently getting to grips with the responsibility of parenthood again. She gritted her teeth and answered the questions as best she could. The situation became somewhat disconcerting when she was passed ‘fit to work’ shortly after, which made her feel like the system was calling her a liar – as if the previous two months on the wards had simply been a nice holiday and she was now completely stress-free.
Fortunately, her social worker was very proactive with her case and after writing a letter of appeal, while also obtaining letters from the consultant in Bradford and Chelmswood GP, the ‘fit to work’ status was quickly overturned. This event would form the single blip of an otherwise wonderful month getting acquainted with a fresh start, beyond the melancholy of her old town and being sectioned. This newfound happiness was about to be tested in no small measure.
Contrary to Jacob, Molly began to observe Percy increasing in tiredness. By late June, he had noticeably lost some weight due to a lessening appetite. When she enquired about his health, he simply put it down to being more active than usual since looking after Jacob. Percy had in reality been experiencing feelings of fatigue for longer than this which, in his own mind, he attributed to his diabetes coupled with taking on the aforementioned, added responsibilities. He did not think much more of it than that, at least openly, though reluctantly agreed to make an appointment with his GP at Molly’s insistence.
It would be too late. On Wednesday 4th July, when Jacob was at school, Percy found himself wheezing and unable to get out of bed. Molly was outside and went upstairs to check on him, after she noticed he was staying in his room much later than usual. Upon seeing him struggling hard to breathe, she immediately called an ambulance. She had no time to arrange a baby-sitter for her son and so returned home on the afternoon bus with news that his grandfather was in hospital. Jacob was deeply upset to hear this and they arranged to visit Percy at the weekend.
Percy was resting in hospital sometime in the early evening after doctors had decided to do a bronchoscopy, which detected cancerous lumps in his chest and they later found another in his stomach. Both were deemed terminal. He was given a blood transfusion due to the tumour in his stomach bleeding and was put on a course of morphine.
The following day saw him bed-ridden, feeling extremely tired and endeavouring to catch his breath. Molly visited him again on Friday. She was deeply saddened by the pale, forlorn figure laid before her, labouring to communicate. Percy called her closer and began to inform her of something in his bedroom drawer that he had intended to give her shortly after moving in. She left the hospital that afternoon, arranging to visit with Jacob on Saturday, which Percy was very much looking forward to. Sadly, he would not see or speak to his grandson again. That night, utterly weak and exhausted, he lay staring at the light above his bed. He gradually faded to insentience approaching an aura that would never again see him wake to the glimmer above, as eyes closed to eternity. Percy Stemman died during the early morning hours of Saturday 7th July 2001.
© 2025 Percival Alexander